I should just calm down and deal with the situation, but I get impatient and panic in certain situations.
What shall I do? What should I do? and the more impatient I become, the more panicked I become and the less able I am to do the appropriate thing, which is exactly the state in which my cognitive function is declining.
When you are in a hurry and panicked, you feel helpless, that you can’t do anything about it because your cognitive function is diminished.
This may seem like a special symptom, but it is quite familiar. When you are in a hurry, you are looking for something and you say, “I can’t find it! I don’t have time!” and you cannot see something even though it is right in front of you, because cognitive functions are deteriorating and loss of recognition is occurring.
The disorientation of not being able to see it even though it is right in front of you is easily created by latent inflammation, which causes peripheral immune cells to become active and cognitive function to decline (as I write in the narrative).
When you are calculating money and you might not have enough money, you get impatient and panic. The inability to calculate money and wasting money is caused by cognitive decline (inability to do what one should not do is called apraxia).
The reason why people lose money by panicking and doing the opposite of what they are supposed to do is because of the cognitive decline that occurs. When you get impatient and panic and a problem arises, it spreads the inflammation of the mental wounds and makes the peripheral immune cells even more active, which leads to further cognitive decline in the situation.
It becomes impossible to see the situation calmly. And things that should not be thought come into your mind one after another, and you cannot control them, and you become even more panicked, which leads to a serious problem in yourself due to the decline in cognitive function.
The cognitive decline makes it hard to stop imagining the worst, and the anxiety and fear cause a great deal of pain. Since no one understands this, the mental and physical pain increases even more.
In order to avoid this pain, you become poor at many things, and when life becomes inconvenient, you become more and more impatient and panicky, and your cognitive functions deteriorate and your sense of helplessness increases.
This latent inflammation, psychological trauma, is schadenfreude from childhood parents, teachers, and other nurturers. Schadenfreude is a pleasant feeling of joy, happiness, etc., when one sees or hears that others are unhappy, sad, failing or suffering.
When a child innocently runs around and falls, the parent will say, “Poor child!” but the parents don’t come close to them and say in their hearts, “Look, you didn’t do what I told you to do! and now you’re in pain!” and gloat in their hearts. The parent may put it into words, but even without words, it remains as a wound and chronic inflammation in the child’s mind.
The schadenfreude becomes a psychological wound of “the child who deserves to be punished” because the other’s misfortune is perceived as deserved. When a student is being bullied by another child, the teacher who witnesses it may be happy in his/her mind that the student deserves to be hurt for being cocky. When a child is being hurt and the caregiver sees it and laughs by Schadenfreude, the sense of despair that he is not being helped by the person who should be helping him causes a chronic inflammation that is a wound in the heart.
That chronic inflammation becomes “the child who deserves to be punished.”
When parents have schadenfreude, it can happen when their partner is indifferent to them, which causes them to hurt their child and say, “Your child is in this pain because of you.
In Munchausen syndrome by proxy, where the mother inflicts pain on the child to get the attention of those around her, it can be traumatic as well.
In the case of a caregiver, Schadenfreude is more likely to occur when the child’s appearance, potential intellectual abilities, and family environment are more favorable than the caregiver’s own.
In a panic, peripheral immune cells are activated by the inflammation of “the child who deserves to be punished,” and you see yourself as the enemy and blame yourself for the situation. Then, due to the outburst of autoimmunity, everyone around you looks like an enemy, and you panic with “no one to help me and I’m trapped.” You panic because you can’t help yourself and you feel helpless with the fear that everyone around you wants you to fail.
When you hear unfortunate news and feel a surge of schadenfreude, you want to beat the feeling away by blaming yourself for feeling this way. Blaming yourself for feeling such a thing is sometimes the very evidence that peripheral immune cells are active due to chronic inflammation (as I write in the narrative).
When you get impatient, try to think that your autoimmunity is going haywire and attacking your own normal cells as “the child who deserves to be punished.”
Then the autoimmune outburst will be cured and the cognitive function will return to its original state, so the impatience will gradually calm down and you will be able to look at the situation calmly.
When you realize that you are a child who deserves to be punished and that your autoimmunity is attacking normal cells, your cognitive function will return to normal and you will be able to see what you couldn’t see before and understand what you couldn’t understand before!
(All written in narrative).