When you explain to those around you that your parents’ over-interference is causing you emotional trauma, they say, “It’s okay, because your parents take good care of you!” They will not understand.
Overprotection and overinterference are done for the sake of the child, so what’s wrong with that? and it is hard to be understood.
But when we examine them with the stress stimulus test, we can see the mechanism clearly.
Ordinarily, stress hormones are normally secreted in response to stressful stimuli, but people with psychological scars end up “thinking about other people’s feelings” in response to those stressful stimuli. That is because the inflammation of the psychological scars causes the peripheral immune cells to become active and cognitive functions to become impaired, resulting in a loss of awareness of one’s own senses. Because they don’t know their own senses, they instantly think about the feelings of those around them.
Over-interference or over-protection happens when you instantly think about your child’s feelings during stress stimuli.
Children and partners who were codependent types in the stress stimulus test, when they hear the explosion of the stress stimulus, their stress hormones, which normally would have to go up, go down in the opposite direction. Then, the stress hormones come up later.
Because stress hormones do not rise during stressful stimuli and the stressful situation is not perceived as “unpleasant,” the stressful situation is not properly organized in memory. Stress feelings that are not properly organized as memories remain fresh after the stress stimulus has passed, and later, as during stress, stress hormones rise and cause inflammation.
This inflammation causes the immune system to run amok, attacking normal cells and lowering cognitive function, which is the same condition as being violated, so over-interference and over-protection are treated the same as violence.
If you worry about your partner and try very hard to make him or her feel better, your partner becomes more and more immobile and loses his or her original function. When a normal person thinks, “My room is a mess,” the stress hormones go up and his/her brain starts working and he/she is motivated to clean up the mess and tidy up the room. When a person whose codependent partner is constantly thinking about his/her feelings thinks, “Now I have to clean up,” his/her stress hormones go down, so he/she starts searching for videos on the phone and stops searching. And later, they blame themselves for not cleaning up afterwards because their stress hormones go up and inflammation occurs and their autoimmunity goes out of control.
When the codependent type tells you to “do your homework properly,” you say, “I know that!” but the stress hormones in your brain go down and you end up reading comic books.
When people say unreasonable things to you, you get teary-eyed and blank and can’t say anything because your stress hormones drop with the stress stimulus. Then, later, you think to yourself, “I should have said something like that! I should have said this!” and you can’t stop attacking the person in your head because the stress hormones go up later, causing inflammation and your autoimmunity to go out of control.
Usually you think, “I can do it,” or “I know how to do that!” but when it comes down to the crucial moment, your mind goes blank and you can’t do anything. But later, you get angry and say, “I just couldn’t do it because of that person!” or “The conditions were bad this time,” and a lot of excuses come up in your head and you blame everyone around you and the situation. That is because the stress hormones that come up later cause inflammation and your autoimmunity is out of control.
We call the type in which stress hormones drop during this stress stimulus the “regression type”.
The word “regression” can mean “childish regression”.
The “regression type” is based on the feeling that when stress hormones drop during stressful stimuli, even adults revert to the state of young children who need a nurturer.
The word “lose one’s temper” is used in the sense of becoming agitated or seriously angry, which, well, refers to a person who has a temper. The regression type is “unable to get angry on the spot” and the stress hormones attack later, so the stress hormones that did not go up at the time of the stressful stimulus will explode later and cause the person to “lose his/her temper” (If stress hormones drop even momentarily at the moment of stressful stimuli, they can explode immediately afterwards). Sometimes “losing one’s temper” is also a trait of the regressive type.
If you can’t stop feeling regret or anger, try to think that your “autoimmunity is out of control”.
Then, the stress hormone will be properly raised by stress stimuli.
If you think that your immune system has gone out of control and attacked normal cells, creating such a state, you will gradually be able to respond to stress accurately (all written in narrative).