If the other person is a regression type, at the moment when you turn your attention to the person, you feel nervousness or fear and create an illusion that the other person is better than you. And the point to determine whether the other person is a regression type or not is that when the other person is repeatedly reminded of you later, you think, “The other person is superior to me, but he/she is wrong. I have to correct them.” You fight hard against them in your mind.
On the other hand, the first way to identify the codependent type is to create the illusion that “the other person is lower than I” the moment you turn your attention to the other person. And the second way to identify the codependent type is that the other person repeatedly comes to mind later, and the reason for this is “I want to remind the other person that I am better than him / her.”
The reason why you create the illusion that you are better than the other person when you pay attention to the codependent type is because the codependent type automatically “thinks about the other person’s feelings,” which makes it impossible for us to respond appropriately to stressful stimuli, and stress hormones drop.
When a codependent-type parent asks a child, “Did you do your homework right?” The child will say, “I was going to do it now! Why are you telling me what I don’t need to know? and the child becomes unmotivated. This is because the codependent-type parent raises stress hormones in the parent’s brain by imagining the worst danger in the child’s future, by thinking, “Again, that child may not do his homework and skip it, and if he doesn’t do it, he may become a liar and a criminal. Then the stress hormones in the child’s brain go down, and the child becomes unmotivated, and cannot stop playing the game.
When a codependent-type partner says to his/her partner, “You should clean up your room soon,” the partner will not be able to clean up the room because the stress hormones are raised in the brain of the codependent-type partner by imagining the worst possible situation and thinking, “If this continues, the room will become a garbage dump and the neighbors will make fun of us.” With the stress stimulus that raises stress hormones in the codependent type partner, the other partner’s stress hormones go down and he/she cannot stop watching videos on how to clean up the mess, saying, “I thought about cleaning it up but I lost the motivation. The stress hormones that went down in the partner come up right afterward and say, “Why do you say unnecessary things? You haven’t done a single thing right either!” So, he/she will not be able to stop blaming the other person. The reason why he/she keeps listing the weaknesses of the other person is to prove in his/her mind that “I am better than you.”
The stress hormones that went down when you focus on the codependent type will come back up later. But for stress stimuli like “I have to do my homework” or “I have to clean up,” they don’t connect because their stress hormones have gone down, they connect to “the person who said something extra” and they think, “I have to make them see how awesome I am!” And so they fight it in their head.
They can’t stop ruining the other person in their head because they want to prove that they are better than the other person. And because their stress hormones are up, they can’t stop the endless delusion of success in their head that “I can do it if I try.” The reason why they can’t stop imagining that they can do it right is because their stress hormones are raised later on and don’t go down easily.
Then, the elevated stress hormones drop dramatically upon the stressful stimulus at the critical moment, and then they end up in a state of “I can’t do anything! It is an affect of the codependent type which makes us unable to do what we fantasize about doing this or that when the time comes.
If your goal is to prove in your head that I am better than the other person, and you can’t stop ruining things against the other person or want to make all kinds of excuses for them, they are the codependent type. Also, if you can’t actually act on what you thought you were doing, then they are the codependent type.
The reason you can’t do what you need to do is because the codependent type causes your stress hormones to drop at a crucial moment.
If you are angry at the codependent type and think, “Today is the day I have to speak up,” but you can’t say what you think in the actual situation, it is because the stress hormones drop due to the stress stimulus of the codependent type. And the reason why the stress hormone rises later and the regret of not being able to say what you were thinking and the bad attitude toward the other person never stops is because the other person is a codependent type.
This too will go away if you just realize, “The other person is a codependent type and the symptoms will go away.
The reason you fight with the codependent type in your head, blame yourself with regret, and feel ashamed of your words and actions is because your psychological trauma, latent inflammation, is affected by the stressful stimuli of the codependent type, and as a result, your autoimmunity is out of control. Chronic latent inflammation causes peripheral immune cells to become active and cognitive function to deteriorate, making it impossible to do what you should be able to do. The symptoms are created: cognitive function is impaired and the inability to say what you think you want to say.
Just realize that the various symptoms are created by stress stimuli of the codependent type, and they will disappear. That’s because the autoimmunity stops running amok, the chronic latent inflammation is healed, and the cognitive function returns to its original state.
Just by realizing that “the other person is a codependent type,” you change yourself (all written in narrative).