I should really be beautiful, but I am too embarrassed to go out in public because I don’t make an effort to express my beauty properly.
I buy clothes that I think I might look good in, but none of them seem to suit me, and no matter how many I buy, I am never satisfied and end up searching for more clothes.
I know that people would have a different attitude if I wore better clothes. But I don’t dress up thinking, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts, not what’s on the outside,” which makes me feel bad, “Why do people treat me so crudely everywhere I go?
I feel frustrated, unhappy, and disappointed because attractive people don’t approach me at all and only creepy, ugly people come to me.
When I am in the presence of attractive people, I can’t be myself, so I behave in a strange way and say or do things that are not liked, which I later regret immensely.
These symptoms are also happening because the mental scars are causing chronic inflammation and peripheral immune cells are active and attacking normal cells, which is causing a cognitive decline in “beauty” pinpointing.
The mental scars are left as latent inflammation when the parents pitied the “poor thing” when a baby was born. Usually, when a baby is born, the mother, under the influence of the hormones of childbirth, says, “Cute!” and accept the baby as it is. However, if there is anger toward the husband, the feelings of anger are twisted into a form that is directed at the baby, saying, “Poor baby, you look like such a father. When the baby is pitied, it is not considered a violent act, but when the baby, who is supposed to be appreciated just the way it is, is pitied, it becomes “I am not good enough just the way I was born” and the baby’s existence is denied, which leaves an inflammation as a psychological wound.
If the husband is unfaithful, when the mother looks at her child and thinks, not “cute,” but “I feel sorry that she will have a hard time in the future in male relationships because of her husband’s resemblance,” this will remain as an inflammation in the child.
If the husband is unreliable, the mother thinks, “I feel sorry if the child grows up to be indecisive,” instead of “cute,” and this remains as inflammation in the child and activates peripheral immune cells.
It may sound like they are worried about the child’s future, but in reality, they are just taking out their anger at their partner or their partner’s family and putting it on the baby in the form of pity.
When you have such a wounded heart, the “beauty” causes your autoimmunity to go out of control and your cognitive function to decline such as:
You do things that destroy your own beauty with cognitive decline and misbehavior.
You can’t stop eating junk food because the latent inflammation makes your peripheral immune cells active and attack normal cells as the enemy, and your cognitive function is impaired.
You can’t continue to take care of your skin or exercise moderately because the latent inflammation of your psychological wounds has caused your cognitive function to decline and executive dysfunction to occur, so you can never continue to try to pursue beauty.
The reason why your room and your appearance become more and more out of order saying, “I’m too busy, I’m too tired, I don’t have time,” is because your cognitive function is degraded by the mental trauma.
Even with beings you consider “beautiful,” cognitive decline causes apraxia, the inability to speak properly, which destroys your relationship with them.
Because of the cognitive decline, you are unable to recognize your own beauty, and you feel “ridiculed” or “licked” by those around you, which causes you to behave in a vicious and ugly manner.
You cannot take compliments on your beauty seriously and perceive them as sarcasm because of your misrecognition. If you accept compliments honestly, you will return to your original beautiful appearance, but if you accept them as sarcasm, you will end up with an ugly appearance.
The state of your clothes, room, etc. also become strange because of the misrecognition, and you feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
Furthermore, when you go out, you see ugly people and you can’t stop attacking them in your head.
That is because your autoimmunity is out of control and attacking normal cells as enemies, so even outside, you feel bad because you see the little unfortunate people as enemies and attack them.
But it is you, the “poor child,” that the autoimmunity is actually attacking.
When you think “beauty,” and your mind goes fuzzy, it’s because your autoimmunity is out of control due to latent inflammation and cognitive dysfunction (all written in narrative).
Then you can realize that your autoimmunity is attacking the “poor kid” as an enemy.
If you feel bothered and disgusted by “beauty,” your autoimmunity is going haywire and attacking the “poor child.”
Just by noticing this, the autoimmune attack on the “poor child” will quiet down.
When the autoimmunity ceases to run amok with “beauty,” it will return to its original state.