Depending on the psychological trauma, the response to stress will be distinctive.
If a person reacts appropriately to stress, the unpleasant reaction will disappear over time, even after an unpleasant event. If a person has no psychological trauma and reacts normally to stress, he/she would be “stress-free” to be with because he/she reacts appropriately to stress.
For example, when you are driving and the car behind you honks its horn, if you were a person who reacts normally to stress, you would say to the other person, “You’re weird!” and react uncomfortably for a moment, and then the rest of the tension is gone as you are driving. So, I don’t feel stressed when I am in the passenger seat.
But if you were a “codependent type,” you would think about the feelings of the people around you when they honked their horn. So, you feel “humiliated” and become hysterically angry, “You didn’t have to honk at that time!” Then, after a while, you may ask repeatedly, “Why did he honk his horn at me at that moment? I didn’t do anything wrong!” I would want to say, “That’s enough! That’s over!” So, I feel stressed when I am with you.
If you are the “regression type,” your stress hormones drop the moment someone honks the horn, and you turn into a child and lose your temper. And then you say, “I’m pissed off!” and you will chase after the car that honked their horn and do dangerous things, which is very stressful to be with.
What is interesting is that when we realize that the person is a codependent type and thinks, “His autoimmunity is out of control,” the anger of the codependent type subsides.
When the regression type loses its temper due to stressful stimuli, the anger that comes up later in the regression type will naturally subside if you realize that the regression type is turning back into a child because stress hormones drop due to stressful stimuli and you think that autoimmunity of the regression type is out of control.
Knowing how these two types work and not knowing how they work have very different results.
This is because the angry codependent type is a stress stimulus for our side. If you become a “codependent type” by the stress stimulus of the angry codependent type, you will say, “You don’t have to be so angry!” and you want to do something about the other person’s anger in your mind. Then, the other person converts this into “you think I am ashamed of being angry” and the stress hormone rises again.
If you don’t know how the codependent type works, you will think, “I’m trying to take care of you, but you don’t know how I feel, why are you so angry at endless times!” and the stress hormones go up. And the two stimulate each other and the anger gets amplified, and the stress hormones cause inflammation resulting in cognitive dysfunction and malfunctioning.
The regression type is the same way. If you don’t know how it works, you will say, “Please, don’t do anything dangerous!” and stop them. Then, the regression type thinks, “I’m being treated like a child!” and their stress hormones that come up later will be further amplified and they will not be able to stop being angry. Then, you think, “Was it wrong of me? and your stress hormones rise and you blame yourself and cringe. When the regression type sees that you are upset, they think, “Even though it is not my fault, you are intentionally frightening me and making me feel uncomfortable,” and their stress hormones rise even higher, causing them to become even more angry.
In this way, the regression type is highly stressed, which leads to inflammation and cognitive decline.
When you can see, “This person is a regression type,” you can respond to regressive stress stimuli like a healthy person, because your immune system will not go haywire and blame yourself for the person’s reaction. When you see that “this person is a codependent type,” you can react to the stress stimulus of the codependent type like a healthy person and go through with it, so that there is no lingering discomfort and the other person’s anger is not amplified.
The next page will show you how to identify the codependent type and the regression type.