I feel sad that I have only high ideals and have not achieved anything in reality.
I feel that I should be able to make more money, but the reality is so far away from my ideal that I am disgusted.
If only there was someone who understood me and gave me a place where I could show off my talents, I would be able to earn money and be recognized by others as my ideal.
There will always be people around me who don’t understand me and get in my way, dragging me down, so I will always remain at the bottom, frustrated and hopeless that I can’t climb up from there.
There are people who give out bad information, and I waste my time and effort at the mercy of that bad information, so I never accomplish anything.
I will be jealous and mounted by people who are less capable than I am, so I will lose my motivation and accomplish nothing.
I feel like I am being blamed by people around me for always blaming others, making excuses, running away and not taking anything seriously, but I feel bad that these people say such lame things because they do not understand my suffering.
These symptoms also occur because peripheral immune cells become active and attack normal cells from the latent inflammation of mental trauma, which causes low cognitive function.
The mental scars that cause this latent inflammation result in a “disappointed baby”.
When the baby is born, “I wanted a girl and was disappointed to have a boy” becomes a “disappointed and unwanted child” for the baby, so it becomes a psychological trauma because of the life-threatening feeling that the baby might be abandoned.
A parent’s disappointment that a boy was born when they wanted a girl becomes latent inflammation because of the fear of not being needed.
A child who is disappointed because he or she was not the smart child expected becomes a life-threatening psychological trauma because the child is perceived as a “useless and unwanted child.
The child’s peripheral immune system is activated by the emotional trauma of being a “disappointed child” and attacks normal cells, causing the child to blame himself as a “disappointed child who cannot accomplish anything. This leads to cognitive decline and loss of recognition, which prevents accurate recognition of one’s own abilities.
When this misrecognition occurs, what one is really good at becomes “not possible,” and what one is not good at is misrecognized as “possible. Because they never dream that cognitive decline is causing misrecognition of their abilities, they dismiss what they are good at as something they are not good at.
Furthermore, human resources become increasingly scarce because they believe in people they shouldn’t believe in and discard those they should believe in due to misperception.
When someone is not in front of you, you feel like you can complain fluently and win arguments with them, but inflammation causes cognitive decline and apraxia, so you are forced to play the “disappointed child” because you can’t properly assert your rights in front of them.
The inflammation of the psychological trauma causes peripheral immune cells to become active and cognitive function to deteriorate, so you lose the ability to act out at the right moment. Just when you think you have started to build a relationship of trust with the other person, you destroy it by taking an aggressive attitude toward him or her.
In a situation where you think you can do well if you follow the rules without hesitation, you suddenly act without following the rules and make a big mistake. Even if you make a big mistake, you do not learn from that failure because of the memory impairment, and when you get another chance, you break the rules by misbehaving and repeat the big mistake.
Of course, because of your cognitive decline, you are unable to set goals and carry out the process in a planned and efficient manner, which leads to executive dysfunction. So, you end up not being able to accomplish anything properly.
People around you may look at you as if you are making excuses, blaming others for “not accomplishing anything because of my parents,” or “because of that person at that time,” but in reality, you are a “disappointed child,” and your autoimmunity is blaming and attacking yourself, making the latent inflammation even worse.
You think you somehow know that you are blaming yourself for not accomplishing anything, or blaming yourself for not achieving anything at all, but you don’t realize that your peripheral immune cells are active and attacking normal cells in an enormous way.
Because the peripheral immune cells become active and people who are not your enemies seem to be your enemies, you blame others and your family members for your problems. But what you are really blaming and attacking is yourself, the “disappointed child. When you realize that you are blaming yourself for being a “disappointed child” whenever you attack someone and say, “I can’t get things done because of her,” the activity of your peripheral immune cells quiets down.
When you are lamenting that you cannot accomplish anything because of your parents or because of that person, but if you realize that deep down you are blaming yourself and attacking yourself as a “disappointed child,” your peripheral immune cells will quiet down and your cognitive functions will return to their original state.
As the peripheral immune cells subside, the enemies become fewer and fewer, and a wonderful path of light is revealed (all written in narrative).